how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
