WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
