Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
