THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
