I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
