I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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