I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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