So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
