Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
