Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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