LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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