i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
