"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
