Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
