Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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