Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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