Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
