My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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