he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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