i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
