I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
