In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sorry about my life...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
