dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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