Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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