she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
