so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
