he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
