Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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