Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
