I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
