After last night, I could never be a politician.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
