I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
