i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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