Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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