JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
