in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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