Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
3pm strippers are depressing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
