He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
