I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
