I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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