It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
