If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
