White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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