So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
