Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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