My brain says no but my pants say off.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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