:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
