remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
