I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
