I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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