We're like a lot better than the average bears
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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